為什麼我們應該對愛情少點期待：英語精讀講義

It can feel very weird and a bit threatening to talk about taking the pressure off a relationship. 片語動詞

討論給感情減壓，有時會讓人覺得很奇怪，甚至有點威脅感。

Our collective inherited romantic culture likes to imagine functioning couples

我們共同繼承的浪漫文化，總是傾向於想像運作良好的情侶

doing more or less everything together and being the center of each other's lives. 講解

幾乎凡事都一起做，並且是彼此生活的中心。

The good couple is, we're told, 表達脈絡

我們被告知，模範情侶就是

one in which two people mean more or less everything to one another.

兩個人對彼此來說幾乎意味著一切。

In a sound relationship, 用詞

在一段穩固的感情中，

we're supposed to meet each other's needs in every area of existence, 講解

我們理應滿足對方在生活各個領域的需求，

from sex to intellectual stimulation,

從性到智力上的刺激，

cooking styles to bedroom habits.

從烹飪風格到臥室習慣。

We're supposed to lead our social life in tandem, 慣用語

我們的社交生活應該步調一致，

be the primary sounding board for one another's problems, 慣用語

成為彼此遇到問題時的主要傾聽者，

and complete each other in spirit and in matter. 慣用語

並在精神和物質上使對方變得完整。

If they're involved in a sport,

如果他們參與某項運動，

we should at once join in or at least come along and support them every weekend. 講解

我們應該立刻加入，或者至少每個週末都去陪伴並支持他們。

If we want to visit a particular country,

如果我們想去某個特定的國家旅遊，

they're supposed to trot along enthusiastically with us. 用詞

他們理應興致勃勃地跟我們一起去。

Our friends are meant to be their friends.

我們的朋友也應該是他們的朋友。

It all sounds sweet,

這聽起來都很甜蜜，

but it is, over the long term,

但從長遠來看，

a recipe for disaster. 慣用語

這卻是釀成災難的秘方。

No two people can ever match each other across all areas of existence, 文法

沒有哪兩個人能在生活的方方面面都完美契合，

and the attempt to do so inevitably ushers in bitterness and rage. 片語動詞

強行這樣做不可避免地會引來痛苦與憤怒。

We have, at the collective level,

從集體的層面來看，我們

given ourselves a hugely unhelpful picture of how love should go. 用詞

已經給自己描繪了一幅極其無益的關於愛情該有何種面貌的圖景。

Any independent move is read like a sign that we can't actually love one another.

任何獨立的舉動都會被解讀為我們其實並不相愛的跡象。

It's taken to be evidence of imminent danger 片語搭配

甚至被視為大難臨頭的證據，

if we visit other countries on our own or sleep apart.

如果我們獨自去其他國家旅行或分床睡覺。

So, we end up badgering each other to do things that we don't really like. 講解

於是，我們最終會互相纏著去做那些自己並非真正喜歡的事情。

We force each other to endure tedious hobbies or see each other's peculiar old friends. 文法

我們強迫對方忍受無聊的愛好，或是去見對方那些古怪的老朋友。

Not even because we inherently want to do so, 表達脈絡

甚至不是因為我們骨子裡想這麼做，

but simply because any other arrangement has come to seem like evidence of betrayal. 文法

僅僅是因為，任何其他安排似乎都成了背叛的證據。

A more realistic and, in the proper sense, romantic view of couples 片語搭配

更加現實、且在真正意義上更為浪漫的情侶觀

would suggest that there do have to be a few strong areas 文法

會建議：確實應該有幾個強而有力的領域，

where we meet each other's needs,

在那裡我們能滿足彼此的需求；

but there should also be plenty of others

但也應該有許多其他領域，

where we're clearly better off pursuing our goals on our own. 文法

顯然更適合我們各自去追求自己的目標。

Consider the following list of independent activities

考慮以下獨立活動的清單，

and give them stars from one to five if they strike you as relevant. 片語搭配

如果你覺得它們與你相關，請給出星級評分（一到五星）。

I'd like to travel without my partner,

我想在沒有伴侶陪伴的情況下旅行，

have dinner one to one with a friend, 用詞

與朋友一對一吃晚餐，

be able to go to a party without my partner

能夠不帶伴侶去參加派對，

and not have them feel left out, 片語動詞

且不會讓他們覺得被冷落，

visit my parents alone,

獨自去探望我的父母，

have my own financial adviser,

擁有自己的財務顧問，

go for long walks on my own,

自己去散很長時間的步，

have a separate bathroom,

擁有獨立的浴室，

go shopping with a friend rather than with my partner. 文法

和朋友去購物而不是和伴侶去。

Look at each other's stars and lists.

看看對方的星級和清單。

Is there anything that you feel you could accommodate? 語氣意圖

有什麼你覺得你可以包容的嗎？

We should recognize that a degree of independence 片語搭配

我們應該認識到，一定程度的獨立

isn't an attack on a partner.

並不是對伴侶的攻擊。

It's a guarantee of the solidity of the underlying commitment one has made. 片語搭配

它是對一個人所做出的根本承諾之堅固性的一種保證。

Truly stable couples aren't those that do everything together. 表達脈絡

真正穩定的情侶並不是那些什麼都一起做的人。

It's those that have managed to interpret their differences 片語搭配

而是那些懂得將彼此的差異解釋為

in non-dramatic and non-disloyal terms.

非戲劇化、也非不忠誠的人。

Ultimately, a reduction of dependence

歸根結底，減少依賴

doesn't mean a relationship is unraveling. 表達脈絡

並不意味著感情正在破裂。

It means that we have learned to focus more clearly and intently

這意味著我們已經學會更清晰、更專注地去關注

on what the other person can actually bring us 用詞

對方實際上能帶給我們什麼，

and have stopped blaming them for not being someone they never were. 片語搭配

並且不再因為他們不是那個他們從來都不是的人而責怪他們。

We no longer need to be upset that their ideal holiday destination

我們不再需要因為他們理想的度假勝地

strikes us as a bit unrelaxing or that their friends can seem boring.

讓我們覺得有點不放鬆，或者他們的朋友似乎很無聊而感到心煩意亂。

We have learned, instead,

相反，我們已經學會了

to value them for the areas where we truly see eye to eye. 慣用語

在我們真正能達成共識的領域去重視他們。

To enjoy a harmonious union with someone, 文法

要想與某人享受和諧的結合，

we should ensure that we have plenty of sources of excitement,

我們應該確保我們在他們之外擁有大量的能帶來興奮、

reassurance, and stimulation outside of them.

安慰和刺激的泉源。

When we hit problems,

當我們遇到問題時，

we should be able to lean on other supports. 片語動詞

我們應該能夠依賴其他的支持。

The demand that another person compensate us for all that's alarming,

要求另一個人補償我們生活中所有令人不安、

wearing, or deficient in our lives 用詞

令人疲憊或有所欠缺的部分，

is a mechanism for systematically destroying any relationship. 片語搭配

是一種系統性地破壞任何感情的機制。

Our conflicts and disappointments will at once feel more manageable

我們的衝突和失望立刻就會感覺更容易掌控，

when we stop asking our partner

當我們不再要求我們的伴侶

to function always as our long-lost other half. 講解

總是充當那個久別重逢的另一半時。

The more we can survive without a relationship, 文法

我們在沒有戀愛關係的情況下越能生存，

the greater will be that relationship's chances

這段感情生存和獲得圓滿的機會

of survival and fulfillment.

就會越大。

We will truly give love a chance 慣用語

只有當我們不再相信愛情能單槍匹馬地拯救我們時，

when we stop believing that it can single-handedly save us. 慣用語

我們才會真正給愛情一個機會。

Our book Sorrows of Love

我們的《Sorrows of Love》一書

helps us all handle the inevitable sorrows of love.

能幫助大家應對愛情中不可避免的煩惱。