論與自身情感脫節：英語精讀講義

An enormous amount of trouble in the world, 片語搭配

世界上有無數的麻煩，

especially at work and in relationships,

尤其是在工作和人際關係中，

is caused by a peculiar phenomenon of our minds,

是由我們大腦中一種奇特的現象引起的，

a tendency to be, as we put it, 表達脈絡

也就是我們常說的，

out of touch with our feelings. 慣用語

和自己的感覺脫節。

When we first meet this idea,

當我們第一次接觸到這個概念時，

it sounds strange and even a bit insulting.

它聽起來很奇怪，甚至有點冒犯人。

How could we not know what we are feeling?

我們怎麼可能不知道自己的感受呢？

Of course, we look from the outside like unified beings.

當然，從外表上看，我們像是一個統一的整體。

We carry one name and sit in a compact physical container.

我們使用同一個名字，住在一個緊湊的軀殼裡。

The distances between different parts of us aren't so great.

我們身體各部分的距離並不遙遠。

How then could we be so multiple as to have secrets from ourselves? 文法

那麼我們怎麼會複雜到對自己隱瞞秘密呢？

But in reality, there are at least two distinct parts to mental life,

但實際上，心理活動至少可以分為截然不同的兩部分：

a feeling self and an observer self.

一個「感受的自我」和一個「觀察的自我」。

Sometimes the two are utterly aligned.

有時這兩個自我是完全一致的。

Someone asks us what we feel like eating 片語搭配

有人問我們想吃什麼，

and the communication between the two selves is clear and immediate.

這兩個自我之間的溝通是清晰且即時的。

We don't even notice a lag.

我們甚至注意不到有任何延遲。

We simply answer "Salmon, and avocado."

我們只是簡單地回答：「鮭魚和酪梨。」

At other points,

而在其他時候，

it's far trickier.

情況要複雜得多。

We're sitting on the sofa at home after a long day at work

結束了漫長的一天工作後，我們坐在家裡的沙發上，

and are under the impression that we feel quite calm. 片語搭配

以為自己感覺很平靜。

But suddenly, an apparently minor remark from our partner arouses us to deep irritation.

但突然間，伴侶一句看似無心的話卻激起了我們深深的惱怒。

We stand up and start shouting about the unfairness of a host of issues

我們站起來，開始大聲抱怨一系列不公平的問題，

we hadn't until just then been aware we even felt strongly about.

而直到那一刻，我們甚至都沒意識到自己對這些事竟如此介意。

Soon, we've got a crisis on our hands. 慣用語

很快，我們就陷入了一場危機。

Why is it so hard for the observing self to report accurately on feelings?

為什麼「觀察的自我」很難準確地報告我們的感受呢？

Firstly, because we're afflicted by so many background ideas 用詞

首先，因為我們受到太多固有觀念的影響，

about the unacceptability of particular feelings.

認為某些特定情緒是不可接受的。

Across childhood,

在整個童年時期，

we have instilled in us, so subtly we don't even notice, 文法

我們被灌輸了——潛移默化到我們甚至無法察覺——

strong notions about what are and are not permissible things to experience.

關於什麼可以經歷、什麼不能經歷的強烈觀念。

Traditionally,

傳統上，

this might have meant that boys were not allowed to acknowledge that they felt like crying

這可能意味著男孩子不被允許承認自己想哭，

or that girls weren't allowed to entertain certain kinds of ambitions for fear of being unladylike. 片語搭配

或者女孩子不被允許懷有某種野心，以免顯得不淑女。

We might not have such obviously naive prohibitions today,

今天我們可能沒有這麼明顯天真的禁令了，

but other equally powerful ones have taken their place. 片語搭配

但取而代之的，是其他同樣強大的約束。

We may have picked up covert but forceful indications that no decent person, 片語動詞

我們可能接收到了隱祕但強烈的暗示：一個體面的人，

no one loved by their parents at least,

至少是一個被父母疼愛的人，

could be enthusiastic about making money

不可能熱衷於賺錢，

or unable to cope at work,

也不可能無法勝任工作，

tempted by an affair

不可能受到出軌的誘惑，

or still upset over a breakup three years ago. 片語搭配

也不可能還在為三年前的分手感到難過。

Furthermore,

此外，

despite the apparently sexually liberated spirit of the times,

儘管當今時代在性觀念上看似十分開放，

the lion's share of our sexual impulses remains impossible to avow. 慣用語

我們的絕大部分性衝動仍然是無法公開承認的。

There is still a great deal we're not meant to feel 文法

仍有許多感受是我們「不應該」有的，

in order to fit that most desirable of categories,

僅僅為了迎合那個最受人喜愛的標籤：

a good boy or good girl.

做個「好男孩」或「好女孩」。

When difficult feelings do threaten to emerge,

當難以應對的情緒真的威脅要浮現時，

the observing self typically takes fright and looks away. 片語搭配

「觀察的自我」通常會感到害怕並轉移視線。

Rather than produce an honest account of feelings,

它不會誠實地報告感受，

it may go numb or try to file a report that's more acceptable than true. 片語搭配

而是可能會變得麻木，或者試圖提交一份比真相更「可被接受」的報告。

I'm feeling very tired

「我感覺很累，」

instead of I'm feeling you've let me down. 片語動詞

而不是「我感覺你讓我失望了。」

I'm depressed

「我很鬱悶，」

rather than I'm furious.

而不是「我氣瘋了。」

That's absolutely disgusting

「那絕對令人作嘔，」

rather than I'm strangely turned on. 片語動詞

而不是「我竟然奇怪地有了反應。」

Our problems are compounded by the way that many powerful feelings, 片語搭配

我們的問題之所以更加複雜，是因為許多強烈的情感，

especially of upset, envy, and frustration,

特別是心煩意亂、嫉妒和挫敗感，

can get kicked into action by apparently very trivial and seemingly nonsensical things in the outside world. 慣用語

可以被外部世界中看起來極其微小、甚至毫無道理的事情所觸發。

For example, we might be thrown into paroxysms of envy 用詞

例如，我們可能會陷入一陣強烈的嫉妒中，

we find no room to confess to

並且找不到任何傾訴的餘地，

when a friend mentions that a mutual acquaintance has been promoted.

僅僅因為一個朋友提到某個共同認識的人升職了。

Or our partner may look away for 3 and 1/2 seconds

或者，當我們在講述工作中一場棘手會議的情況還未說完時，

before we've ended an explanation about how a tricky meeting at work went

我們的伴侶可能只把目光移開了三分半鐘，

and we experience seething indignation and wounded pride

我們卻體驗到了壓抑不住的憤慨和受傷的自尊，

that we haven't got our lover's full attention.

覺得我們沒有得到愛人全部的關注。

But we say nothing

但我們什麼也不說，

because to own up to many feelings of upset 片語動詞

因為承認這麼多的煩躁情緒，

involves acknowledging a humiliating degree of fragility.

意味著要承認一種近乎屈辱的脆弱。

Yet feelings that haven't been reported don't and can't go away.

然而，那些未被報告的感受並不會，也不可能憑空消失。

They linger and spread their energy randomly to neighboring issues.

它們會逗留，並將能量隨機蔓延到不相干的問題上。

Envy comes out as spite.

嫉妒會變成怨恨。

Anger over inattention comes out as a remark that the partner is looking rather fat at the moment,

對被忽視的憤怒會變成一句「你最近看起來有點胖」的評價，

though of course by the time that hurt has manifested itself as aggression,

當然，當這種傷害轉化為攻擊性表現出來時，

any chances of being comforted are clearly over.

任何被安撫的機會顯然都已化為泡影。

Feelings we haven't got a handle on wreak havoc. 講解

我們無法掌控的感受會帶來毀滅性的破壞。

They buckle and strain the system.

它們會讓整個系統扭曲並承受重壓。

We develop pernicious tics, a facial twitch,

我們會養成有害的怪癖，比如面部抽搐，

impotence, an incapacity to work,

陽痿，喪失工作能力，

alcoholism, a compulsion to look at porn.

酗酒，或者強迫性地看色情片。

Most so-called addictions are at heart symptoms of insistent difficult feelings 慣用語

大多數所謂的癮，本質上都是那些我們無法擺脫的艱難情緒的症狀，

that we haven't found any better way to address.

只是因為我們沒有找到更好的應對方法。

How then might we come to be more skilled observers and correspondents of our feelings? 表達脈絡

那麼，我們怎樣才能成為自己情緒的更熟練的觀察者和記錄者呢？

Reading may have rather a large role to play. 片語搭配

閱讀可能在其中扮演著相當重要的角色。

A great writer is ideally someone uncommonly patient about the curious,

一個偉大的作家，理想情況下是一個有著超乎尋常的耐心的人，能夠關注那些奇特的、

less discussed, apparently weirder things

較少被討論的、看起來更詭異的、

that float around in the human head.

漂浮在人類腦海中的東西。

Another move is to ensure that we've allocated a lot of time to self-observation. 片語搭配

另一個辦法是，確保我們分配了大量時間來進行自我觀察。

It can look rather self-indulgent to ask for a few hours in the evening 用詞

要求在晚上抽出幾個小時來，似乎顯得有點縱容自己，

in which there's nothing more apparently demanding to do

在這幾個小時裡，你似乎沒有更重要的事情可做，

than sit and stare out of the window

只能坐在那裡盯著窗外，

or around the bedroom with a pad and pen on one's lap.

或是環顧臥室，腿上放著紙和筆。

These so-called idle moments are when the observing self can finally catch up with feelings 片語動詞

這些所謂的「閒暇時光」，正是「觀察的自我」最終能追趕上情緒的時候，

that might have been too shy, 文法

那些情緒在白天的其他時間裡，可能因為太害羞、

ashamed, or harassed to emerge in the rest of the day.

太羞愧或太受折磨而無法浮現。

They are like church bells we can make out only in the evening 片語動詞

它們就像教堂的鐘聲，只有在傍晚

when the city traffic has died down. 片語動詞

城市交通的喧囂平息後，我們才能聽得清。

Failing to do this can, among other things, 表達脈絡

如果做不到這一點，除了帶來其他問題，

ruin our chances of getting to sleep.

還會毀掉我們入睡的機會。

Insomnia is the feeling self's revenge for all the thoughts 慣用語

失眠，就是「感受的自我」為了那些在白天

that haven't been properly cataloged in the day.

沒被妥善整理歸類的想法，而展開的報復。

Understanding the serious danger of a gap opening up between what we feel and what we're aware of

認識到「我們感受到的」與「我們意識到的」之間產生鴻溝的嚴重危險，

brings another major benefit.

會帶來另一個主要的好處。

We grasp that this issue will necessarily apply to other people too.

我們會領悟到，這個問題也必然適用於其他人。

Quite often, they'll be saying things which are not, in fact, in line with their true feelings. 片語搭配

很多時候，他們說出來的話，實際上並不符合他們真實的感受。

Mean things when they're feeling vulnerable, perhaps, 表達脈絡

也許在他們感到脆弱時，會說出刻薄的話，

or arrogant things when they're feeling small.

或者在他們感到渺小時，會說出傲慢的話。

And we'll identify that it's our duty to forgive them

我們會意識到，原諒他們是我們的責任，

for not always managing to be reliable correspondents of their inner lives. 慣用語

原諒他們並不總是能夠可靠地傳達自己的內心生活。

It's not really sinister to think this way of others.

這樣看待他人並不是真的險惡。

It's a kindly move that gives us the energy to lend a second, more compassionate look

這是一個善意的舉動，它給了我們能量去投以第二次、更具同情心的目光，

at behavior that might initially have appeared simply horribly off-putting. 用詞

去審視那些最初可能顯得極其令人反感的行為。

Feelings are frequently far from wonderful 慣用語

感受往往遠非美妙，

and often should not be followed.

而且很多時候不該被盲從。

But we should accept that if we ignore, deny, or overlook feelings entirely,

但我們應該接受，如果我們完全忽視、否認或忽略感受，

the price will always be higher and worse.

我們付出的代價將總是更高、更慘痛。

They will exercise a powerful, malignant subterranean influence 片語搭配

它們將會在暗處施加一種強大、惡性的影響，

across the whole of our lives.

貫穿我們的一生。

One of the too often overlooked but key arts of living is to learn to devote ourselves 片語搭配

生活中常常被忽視的一門關鍵藝術，就是學會傾注心血

to correctly labeling and repatriating our own and others' orphaned feelings. 慣用語

去正確地標記並安頓好我們自己以及他人那些無處安放的情感。