自尊：英語精讀講義

Liking ourselves, having high self-esteem as we tend to put it, 片語搭配

喜歡自己，或者像我們常說的那樣，擁有高自尊，

is crucial to any feeling of well-being.

對任何幸福感來說都至關重要。

What's odd then is just how unpredictable 文法

然而奇怪的是，這種自尊的分配

the allocation of esteem often turns out to be.

往往是多麼不可預測。

There are people with modest jobs,

有些人工作普通，

unspectacular bodies,

身材一般，

and unglamorous friends

朋友也平平無奇，

who confidently nevertheless lay claim 片語搭配

但他們卻自信地宣稱

to buoyant levels of self-esteem.

自己擁有極高的自尊。

They seem to like themselves

他們似乎很喜歡自己，

despite the absence of any vigorous signs

儘管他們並沒有得到外界

of approval from the world at large.

任何強烈的認可訊號。

And then there are others

然後還有另一類人，

for whom no amount of achievement, 文法

對他們來說，再多的成就、

prestige, and financial security

聲望和財務保障

ever seems to do the trick. 慣用語

似乎都無濟於事。

They anxiously chastise and critique themselves,

他們焦慮地責備和批判自己，

always feeling that they've underperformed,

總是覺得自己表現不佳，

never quite trusting that they really deserve to exist.

從未真正相信自己值得存在於世。

Having sound levels of self-esteem

擁有健康的自尊水準

ultimately appears to have precious little to do 片語搭配

最終似乎與達到任何可驗證的基準

with hitting any verifiable benchmarks.

毫無關係。

It seems connected up with a stranger,

它似乎與一種更陌生、

more internal, more subjective kind of logic,

更內在、更主觀的邏輯相關聯，

with factors immune to standard notions of achievement. 用詞

與那些不受世俗成就觀念影響的因素有關。

Three factors stand out in particular. 表達脈絡

其中有三個因素尤為突出。

Firstly,

首先，

what your same-sex parent did. 用詞

你的同性父母做了什麼。

The single greatest determinant

決定你會有多尊重自己

of how much you will esteem yourself

最大的單一因素，

is how you compare with your same-sex parent,

就是你與你同性父母的比較結果，

whether you've achieved more or less than mom or dad.

看看你的成就是比母親或父親高還是低。

Rather brutally, 表達脈絡

相當殘酷的是，

it seems that comfortable levels of self-esteem

似乎只有那些成功

are only available to those who've managed

超越了同性父母的人，

to outpace their same-sex parent. 用詞

才能獲得令人舒適的自尊水準。

Those from a poor background

那些出身貧寒的人

have a big unwitting advantage here.

在這裡無意中擁有巨大的優勢。

You might only be driving a beaten-up old taxi

你可能只是開著一輛破舊的老計程車

around Manhattan and living in one room in Harlem,

在曼哈頓兜風，住在哈林區的一個單間裡，

but if your same-sex parent was a subsistence farmer 文化背景

但如果你的同性父母是一位

from eastern Burkina Faso,

來自布吉納法索東部的自給自足的農民，

you will at times feel princely nevertheless.

你有時仍然會覺得自己像個王子。

Similarly, yet more darkly, 表達脈絡

同樣，更可悲的是，

you might have grown up in ostensibly privileged circumstances, 用詞

你可能在表面上優越的環境中長大，

but if your same-sex parent made a few hundred million

但如果你的同性父母賺了幾億，

and you're only managing to pull in a middle-class salary, 片語動詞

而你只能賺到中產階級的薪水，

you're liable never quite to shake off 片語動詞

你可能永遠無法擺脫

a haunting feeling that you're a disgrace.

那種覺得自己是個恥辱的縈繞心頭的痛楚。

Secondly,

其次，

what your peer group is up to. 片語動詞

你的同儕正在做什麼。

We don't feel inadequate in relation

我們在面對那些比我們擁有更多的人時，

to everyone who has more than us.

並不會對每個人都感到自卑。

Only those who we've come to see as belonging

只有那些被我們視為

to another crucial determinant of self-esteem,

屬於另一個決定自尊的關鍵群體——

our peer group. 用詞

也就是我們的同儕。

By this we mean the people who were educated with us, 表達脈絡

我們指的是那些和我們一起接受教育、

who are around our age,

年齡相仿、

and who live in our part of the world.

且生活在世界同一地區的人。

These people matter infinitely more

對我們的幸福感而言，

to our sense of well-being

這些人比普羅大眾

than the population at large. 片語搭配

要重要得多。

It's a piece of extreme bad luck

這是一件極其倒楣的事，

and a matter for particular commiseration and assistance 表達脈絡

也是一件特別需要同情和幫助的事：

if ever our peer group produces someone

如果我們的同儕中有人

who starts a billion-dollar company

創立了一家價值十億美元的公司，

or, God forbid, 語氣意圖

或者，老天保佑不要發生，

ends up running the country. 片語動詞

最終管理了這個國家。

Every time someone we went to school with does better than us,

每當我們的同學比我們過得更好時，

a small part of us will die. 慣用語

我們內心的一小部分就會死去。

We should therefore take immense care 表達脈絡

因此我們應該格外小心，

to attend very ordinary schools

去上非常普通的學校，

and after graduation

並在畢業後

to throw all invitations to reunions

把所有同學聚會的邀請函

straight in the trash.

直接扔進垃圾桶。

Third

第三，

what kind of love you received in childhood.

你在童年時期得到了什麼樣的愛。

A lot depends on what kind of affection

這很大程度上取決於我們在童年時期

we were the recipients of in childhood. 片語搭配

接受了什麼樣的關愛。

In particular,

特別是，

how many conditions our love came attached with.

我們的愛附帶了多少條件。

Some of us had parents who only knew

我們有些人的父母只知道

how to give out

如何付出

the conditional kind of love.

有條件的愛。

It was all about the grades and the school reports. 片語搭配

一切都取決於分數和成績單。

We therefore grew up, 文法

因此我們長大後，

of course,

當然，

to be high achievers.

成為了高成就者。

But it's not so easy running around your whole life long, 文法

但一生都在奔波並不容易，

desperate to put out the raging fires of self-hatred, 慣用語

拚命想要撲滅自我厭惡的熊熊烈火，

striving to impress everyone you meet

努力給遇到的每個人留下深刻印象，

in search of an unsatisfied desire

以尋找一種未被滿足的渴望，

for a parental approval you never knew.

渴望那從未體會過的父母的認可。

But others,

但另一些人，

the blessed ones who've known unconditional love from the start,

那些從一開始就體驗過無條件的愛的幸運兒，

will be okay just to be.

只要做自己就會覺得很好。

They won't have to do quite so much pushing.

他們不需要逼自己太緊。

They'll have an inner basic buoyancy 慣用語

他們會有一種內在的、基礎的活力，

guaranteed by the knowledge

因為他們知道

that they once mattered immeasurably.

自己曾經無可估量地重要過。

A big reversal like being fired

像被解雇這樣的重大挫折

will be unpleasant,

固然令人不快，

it won't necessarily have to be a tragedy. 文法

但不一定非得是一場悲劇。

Knowing about the odd internal origins of self-esteem

了解自尊這些奇特的內在根源

is crucial because of how often we pursue goals 文法

至關重要，因為我們常常在追求目標，

in the belief that success will at last give us 片語搭配

相信成功最終會給我們

the keys to feeling good about ourselves. 慣用語

帶來自我感覺良好的關鍵。

It seems the truth is slightly darker.

事實似乎稍微黑暗一些。

You might ostensibly be doing very well at work,

你在工作上可能表面上做得很出色，

but if your dad was a big shot 慣用語

但如果你的父親是個大人物，

or your school buddy became president

或者你的同學當上了總統，

or your parents didn't you up

又或者你的父母沒有

with the right unconditional sort of love,

用那種無條件的愛來撫養你，

no amount of striving, goal-scoring,

那麼再多的努力、得分、

and medal-winning

和贏得獎牌

is ever really going to do it.

都不足以真正讓你感覺良好。

This changes where we should imagine our challenges lie. 表達脈絡

這改變了我們應該設想的挑戰所在。

Feeling good about ourselves

自我感覺良好

isn't ultimately something we can bring about 片語動詞

最終並不是我們可以單憑

through professional or economic achievements alone.

職業或經濟成就就能帶來的。

In huge part,

很大程度上，

it's going to be about coming to terms with ourselves, 慣用語

它將是關於與我們自己和解，

the result of understanding our past,

是理解我們的過去，

and the dynamics of shame,

以及那可能潛藏在那裡的羞恥感、

conditionality,

附帶條件

and humiliation that might lie there.

和屈辱的動態變化的結果。

It turns out that high self-esteem 表達脈絡

事實證明，高自尊

seems largely to be a prize of psychology 慣用語

似乎很大程度上是一種心理上的獎賞，

rather than the fruit of anything we might achieve

而不是我們在經濟社會中

out in the world in relation to the economy.

可能取得的任何外部成就的果實。