如何做自己的朋友：英語精讀講義

Trying to be a better friend to yourself sounds like an odd idea initially, 片語搭配

試著做自己更好的朋友，乍聽之下像是個奇怪的想法，

because we naturally imagine a friend as someone else, not as a part of our own mind.

因為我們自然而然會把朋友想像成別人，而不是我們大腦的一部份。

But there is value in the concept

但這個概念是有價值的，

because of the extent to which we know how to treat our own friends 文法

因為我們非常清楚該如何對待朋友，

with a sympathy and imagination we seldom apply to ourselves. 片語搭配

卻很少把那樣的同情心與同理心用在自己身上。

If a friend is in trouble,

如果朋友遇到麻煩，

our first instinct is rarely to tell them

我們的第一反應很少是告訴他們：

that they are fundamentally a shithead and a failure.

他們骨子裡就是個混蛋和失敗者。

If a friend complains that their partner isn't very warm to them,

如果朋友抱怨伴侶對他們不夠熱情，

we don't tell them they're getting what they deserve. 語氣意圖

我們不會告訴他們這是罪有應得。

We try to reassure them that they're essentially likable 片語搭配

我們會試著安慰他們，說他們其實很討人喜歡，

and that it's worth investigating what might be done. 文法

並且值得去探究一下還能做些什麼。

In friendship,

在友誼中，

we know instinctively how to deploy strategies of wisdom and consolation

我們本能地知道該如何運用智慧和安慰的策略，

that we stubbornly refuse to apply to ourselves.

卻固執地拒絕將這些策略用在自己身上。

There are some key moves a good friend would typically make,

好朋友通常會有一些關鍵舉動，

which can provide a model for what we should ideally be doing 片語搭配

這些可以為我們提供一個理想的榜樣，

with ourselves in our own heads.

讓我們知道在腦海中該如何對待自己。

Firstly,

首先，

a good friend likes you pretty much as you already are. 語氣意圖

好朋友大多喜歡你現在的樣子。

Any suggestion they make

他們提出的任何建議，

or ambition they have about how you could change

或者對你能如何改變的期望，

builds on a background of acceptance. 慣用語

都是建立在接納你的基礎之上的。

When they propose that you might try a different tack, 慣用語

當他們建議你嘗試不同的方法時，

it's not an ultimatum or a threat.

這並不是最後通牒，也不是威脅。

They're not saying that you have to change or be abandoned.

他們不是在說你必須改變，否則就會被拋棄。

A friend insists we're good enough already,

朋友堅信我們已經夠好了，

but they want to join forces with us 慣用語

但他們想要與我們齊心協力，

to solve a challenge they feel we would properly benefit from overcoming.

去解決那些他們認為克服後會讓我們真正受益的挑戰。

Without being flattering, 語氣意圖

在不刻意奉承的前提下，

good friends also constantly keep in mind certain things we're getting right. 片語搭配

好朋友也會時刻記住我們做對的事情。

They don't think anything wrong with the odd compliment and emphasis on our strengths. 用詞

他們認為偶爾誇獎一下、強調一下我們的優點並沒有什麼錯。

It's quietly galling how easily we can lose sight of all our own good points when trouble strikes. 慣用語

讓人暗自苦惱的是，遇到麻煩時我們很容易就會忽視自己身上所有的閃光點。

The friend doesn't fall into this trap. 慣用語

朋友才不會掉進這個陷阱。

They can acknowledge the difficulties while still holding onto a memory of our virtues. 文法

他們能看清困難，同時依然記著我們的美德。

The good friend is compassionate.

好朋友富有同情心。

When we fail,

當我們失敗時，

as we will,

——畢竟我們總會失敗——

they are understanding and generous around our mishaps.

他們對我們的倒楣事表現得寬容而大度。

Our folly doesn't exclude them from the circle of their love.

我們的愚蠢並不會讓他們把我們逐出愛的圈子。

The good friend deftly conveys that to err, 用詞

好朋友會巧妙地傳達這樣一個道理：犯錯、

fail, and screw up is just what we humans do.

失敗、把事情搞砸，就是人類的常態。

We all emerge from childhood with various biases in our character,

我們都在童年時期養成了性格上的種種偏差，

which evolved to help us cope with our necessarily imperfect parents.

這些演變是為了幫助我們應對必然不完美的父母。

And these acquired habits of mind will reliably let us down in adult life. 講解

而這些後天習得的思維習慣，在成年後的生活中無疑會讓我們栽跟頭。

But we're not to be blamed because we didn't deliberately set out to be like this. 片語動詞

但我們不該受責備，因為我們並不是蓄意要變成這樣。

We didn't realistically have a lot of better options.

現實中，我們並沒有太多更好的選擇。

We're indelibly required to make big decisions

我們不可避免地需要做出重大決定，

before we ever really understand what's at stake 慣用語

而在那時我們根本無法真正理解其利害關係，

or how our choices will play out. 片語動詞

也不知道我們的選擇最終會有怎樣的結果。

We're steering blind in all our large moves around love and work. 慣用語

在愛情和工作的所有大動作上，我們其實都是在盲目掌舵。

We opt for a move to a different city, 片語搭配

我們選擇搬去另一座城市，

but we can't possibly know whether we're going to flourish there.

但我們根本無從知曉自己是否能在那裡大展宏圖。

We have to select a career path when we're still young

我們必須在年紀尚輕時就選擇一條職業道路，

and we don't know what our latent needs will be. 用詞

而那時我們還不知道自己潛在的需求會是什麼。

In long-term relationships,

在長期的親密關係中，

we have to make a commitment to another person 片語搭配

我們必須對另一個人做出承諾，

before we understand what it will be like to tie our lives so deeply to theirs'. 慣用語

而在此之前，我們並不了解將自己的生活與對方緊緊綁在一起會是什麼感覺。

The good friend knows that failures are not, in fact, rare.

好朋友知道，失敗其實一點也不罕見。

They bring as a starting point 表達脈絡

他們會以此為出發點，

their own and humanity's vivid experience of messing up 片語動詞

把自己以及全人類搞砸事情的生動經歷，

into play as key points of reference. 慣用語

作為關鍵的參考指標來開導你。

They're continually telling us that our specific case might be unique, 表達脈絡

他們會不斷告訴我們，我們的具體情況可能是獨一無二的，

but that the general structure is common.

但總體結構是普遍存在的。

People don't just sometimes fail, 表達脈絡

人們不僅僅是偶爾失敗，

everyone fails.

每個人都會失敗。

Only we don't know about it. 表達脈絡

只是我們不知道罷了。

It's ironic yet essentially hopeful

諷刺但本質上充滿希望的是，

that we usually know quite well how to be a better friend to near strangers 文法

我們往往很清楚如何對幾乎是陌生的人做個更好的朋友，

than we know how to be to ourselves.

卻不知道如何對自己那麼好。

The hopefulness lies in the fact 片語搭配

希望在於這樣一個事實：

that we do actually already possess the relevant skills of friendship. 文法

我們實際上已經擁有了相關的友誼技巧。

It's just we haven't as yet directed them 講解

只是我們尚未把它們用在

to the person who probably needs the most,

那個可能最需要的人身上，

namely, of course, 表達脈絡

也就是，毫無疑問，

ourselves.

我們自己。