僅僅做「好朋友」的好處：英語精讀講義

One of the most subtly hurtful and quietly damning of all remarks, 片語搭配

最隱秘地傷人、最悄無聲息地給人判死刑的話語之一，

perhaps sweetly delivered on the doorstep at the end of a long evening

也許是在漫長的夜晚結束時，在門階上甜美地說出的，

with the taxi still hovering somewhere just out of sight,

那時計程車還在視線外某個地方徘徊，

is the suggestion that we should in the end probably remain just good friends. 語氣意圖

那就是建議我們最終可能還是只做「好朋友」。

We know exactly what to understand by this.

我們完全知道這句話意味著什麼。

The path towards a tender future 慣用語

通向溫柔未來的道路

is being gently but firmly closed off.

正在被溫柔但堅決地封閉。

We are, with a smile,

我們伴隨著一個微笑，

being shunted into the category of the failed, 慣用語

被推入了失敗者、

the ignored, and the lightly despised.

被忽視者和被輕視者的行列。

The other must in some way have worked out the despicable truths about us, 片語動詞

對方一定在某種程度上看透了我們身上那些卑劣的真相，

all the ones that we tried so hard to disguise

那些我們拚命想要掩飾、

and even to believe didn't exist,

甚至想讓自己相信並不存在的真相，

and has logically decided to take their leave. 片語搭配

於是理智地決定離開。

We return crushed to an apartment which we had left with butterflies 慣用語

我們帶著破碎的心回到幾個小時前

and elevated hopes only a few hours before.

滿懷忐忑與極高期望離開的公寓。

We hear the invitation to a friendship as synonymous with insult 片語搭配

我們把做朋友的邀請聽成了侮辱，

because our romantic culture has continuously,

因為我們的浪漫文化不斷地，

from a young age,

從我們很小的時候起，

made one thing sharply clear to us.

就向我們清楚地表明了一件事。

Love is the purpose of existence. 表達脈絡

愛情是存在的目的。

Friendship is the paltry depleted consolation prize. 慣用語

友誼則是那微不足道、乾癟的安慰獎。

Though this seems like unsurprising common sense, 表達脈絡

儘管這似乎是毫無意外的常識，

what should detain us and encourage us to probe a little 文法

但有一點應該讓我們駐足，並鼓勵我們稍微探究一下

at the claims made on love's behalf 慣用語

以愛情名義提出的主張，

is one basic source of evidence:

那就是一個基本的證據來源：

the behavior, level of satisfaction,

那些墜入愛河之人的行為、滿意度

and state of mind of those engaged in love.

以及心理狀態。

If we were to judge love chiefly by its impact, 文法

如果我們主要根據愛情的影響力，

by the extent of the tears, 表達脈絡

根據眼淚的多少，

the depths of the frustrations,

挫敗感的深度，

the viciousness of the insults that unfold in its name,

以及以其名義展開的侮辱的惡毒程度來評判愛情，

we wouldn't continue to rate it as we do

我們就不會繼續像現在這樣評價它，

and might indeed mistake it for a form of illness 片語搭配

甚至可能會錯把它當成一種疾病

or aberration of the mind.

或者是精神失常。

The scenes that typically unfold between lovers

戀人之間通常上演的場景

would scarcely be considered imaginable 文法

如果放在公開敵對的環境之外

outside of conditions of open hostility.

幾乎是無法想像的。

Those we love, we honor with our worst moods, 表達脈絡

對於我們愛的人，我們把最壞的情緒留給他們，

our most unfair accusations,

最不公平的指責，

our most wounding insults.

以及最傷人的侮辱。

It's to our lovers that we direct blame 文法

正是對我們的戀人，我們把責怪傾注其身，

for everything that's gone wrong in our lives.

抱怨我們生活中所有出錯的事情。

It's they we expect to know everything we mean

正是他們，我們期望能懂我們的所有想法

without bothering to explain it. 文法

而我們甚至都懶得解釋。

It's to their minor errors and misunderstandings

正是對於他們的小錯誤和誤解，

that we respond with sulks and rage.

我們用生悶氣和暴怒來回應。

And, by comparison, in friendship, 表達脈絡

相比之下，在友誼中，

the supposedly worthless and inferior state

這個看似毫無價值和低人一等的狀態，

whose mention should crush us at the end of a date,

這個在約會結束時一提起就會擊潰我們的狀態，

we bring our highest and noblest virtues.

我們卻展現出了最高尚、最尊貴的品德。

Here, we are patient,

在這裡，我們耐心，

encouraging, tolerant, funny,

鼓勵他人，寬容，幽默，

and most of all, kind.

最重要的是，善良。

We expect a little less and therefore by extension 表達脈絡

我們的期望少一些，因此推而廣之，

forgive an infinite amount more.

我們能原諒的就無限多。

We don't presume that we will be fully understood

我們不奢求會被完全理解，

and so treat failings lightly and humanely.

所以對待缺點也輕描淡寫，充滿人情味。

We don't imagine that our friends should admire us without reserve 慣用語

我們不幻想朋友應該毫無保留地欽佩我們，

and stick by us whatever we do, 片語動詞

無論我們做什麼都支持我們，

and so we put in effort and behave, 片語動詞

因此我們付出努力，好好表現，

pleasing ourselves as well as our companions along the way.

在這個過程中不僅取悅自己，也取悅我們的同伴。

We are in the company of our friends,

和朋友們在一起時，

our best selves. 用詞

我們做回了最好的自己。

Paradoxically, it's friendship that offers us the real route 表達脈絡

矛盾的是，正是友誼為我們提供了真實的途徑，

to the pleasures that romanticism associates with love.

去獲得浪漫主義賦予愛情的那些樂趣。

That this sounds surprising 文法

這聽起來令人驚訝

is only a reflection of how underdeveloped

這只是反映出發展得多麼不成熟：

our day-to-day vision of friendship has become.

我們關於友誼的日常觀念。

We associate it with a casual acquaintance

我們把它與泛泛之交聯繫在一起，

we see once in a while 慣用語

就是偶爾見一面，

to exchange inconsequential and shallow banter.

交換些無關痛癢、膚淺的玩笑。

But real friendship is something altogether more profound

但真正的友誼是全然更深刻的東西，

and worthy of exaltation.

值得被讚頌。

It is an arena in which two people 慣用語

它是兩個人

can get a sense of each other's vulnerabilities, 片語搭配

可以感知彼此脆弱的競技場，

appreciate each other's follies without recrimination,

在沒有指責的情況下欣賞彼此的愚蠢，

reassure one another as to their value,

向彼此保證對方的價值，

and greet the sorrows and tragedies of existence 慣用語

並用智慧和溫暖去迎接

with wit and warmth.

生命中的悲傷與悲劇。

Culturally and collectively,

在文化和集體的層面上，

we have made a momentous mistake 片語搭配

我們犯了一個重大的錯誤，

which has left us both lonelier and more disappointed 文法

這讓我們比本來需要的

than we ever needed to be.

感到更加孤獨和失望。

In a better world, 表達脈絡

在一個更好的世界裡，

our most serious goal

我們最嚴肅的目標

would not be to locate one special lover

不應是去尋找一個特別的愛人

with whom to replace all other humans.

來替代其他所有人。

It would be to put our intelligence and energy 片語搭配

而是將我們的智慧和精力

into identifying and nurturing a circle of true friends.

投入到尋找並培養一群真正的朋友上。

At the end of an evening,

在一個夜晚結束時，

we would learn to say to certain prospective companions,

我們會學會對某些潛在的伴侶說，

with an embarrassed smile as we invited them inside,

在邀請他們進屋時帶著尷尬的微笑，

knowing that this would come across as a properly painful rejection, 片語動詞

知道這會像是一次讓人真正痛苦的拒絕，

"I'm so sorry. 語氣意圖

「我很抱歉。

Couldn't we just be lovers?"

我們能不能只做戀人？」

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