在愛情中過於理性的問題：英語精讀講義

It seems odd at first to imagine that we might get angry,

乍一想，我們似乎很難想像自己會生氣，

even maddened by a partner,

甚至被伴侶逼瘋，

because they were, in the course of a discussion,

僅僅是因為他們在討論中，

proving to be too reasonable and too logical. 文法

表現得過於理智、過於講邏輯。

We are used to thinking highly of reason and logic. 講解

我們習慣於高度評價理性和邏輯。

We're not normally enemies of evidence and rationality.

我們通常並不排斥證據和理性。

How then could these ingredients become problematic in the course of love?

那麼，這些要素怎麼會在愛情中成為問題呢？

But from close up,

但若是拉近距離，

considered with sufficient imagination, 文法

運用充分的想像力來思考，

our suspicion can make a lot of sense. 片語搭配

我們的這種疑慮其實很有道理。

When we're in difficulties,

當我們陷入困境時，

what we may primarily be seeking from our partners 文法

我們最想從伴侶那裡得到的，

is a sense that they understand what we're going through. 片語動詞

可能是他們理解我們正在經歷什麼的感覺。

We're not looking for answers, 表達脈絡

我們尋找的不是答案，

the problems may be too large for there to be any obvious ones,

問題可能太大了，根本沒有什麼顯而易見的答案，

so much as comfort,

我們更多是在尋找安慰、

reassurance, and fellow feeling. 用詞

寬慰，以及共鳴。

In the circumstances,

在這種情況下，

the deployment of an overly logical stance

擺出一種過度講邏輯的姿態，

may come across not as an act of kindness, 語氣意圖

可能不會被看作是一種善意，

but as a species of disguised impatience. 用詞

而被看作是一種偽裝的不耐煩。

Let's imagine someone who comes to their partner complaining of vertigo.

試想一下，有人向伴侶抱怨自己恐高。

The fear of heights is usually manifestly unreasonable.

恐高通常是明顯不講道理的。

The balcony obviously isn't about to collapse. 文法

陽台顯然不會塌下來。

There's a strong iron balustrade between us and the abyss.

在我們和深淵之間有著堅固的鐵欄杆。

The building has been repeatedly tested by experts.

建築也經過了專家的反覆測試。

We may know all this intellectually, 表達脈絡

我們在理智上可能知道這一切，

but it does nothing to reduce our sickening anxiety in practice. 片語搭配

但這並不能在實際上減少我們令人作嘔的焦慮。

If a partner were to patiently begin to explain the laws of physics to us, 文法

如果伴侶耐心地開始給我們講解物理定律，

we wouldn't be grateful.

我們是不會感激的。

We would simply feel that they were misunderstanding us.

我們只會覺得他們誤解了我們。

Much that troubles us has a structure akin to vertigo. 用詞

許多困擾我們的事情都有著類似恐高的結構。

Our worry isn't exactly reasonable,

我們的擔憂並不完全合理，

but we're unsettled all the same. 表達脈絡

但我們依然感到心神不寧。

We can, for example,

比如，我們可能會

continue to feel guilty about letting down our parents, 片語動詞

一直因為讓父母失望而感到內疚，

no matter how nice to them we've actually been. 文法

無論我們實際上對他們有多好。

Or we can feel very worried about money,

或者我們會為錢感到非常焦慮，

even if we're objectively economically quite safe. 文法

即使客觀來說我們的經濟狀況很安全。

We can feel horrified by our own appearance,

我們可能會對自己的外貌感到恐懼，

even though no one else judges our face or body harshly. 文法

即使根本沒有人苛刻地評判我們的臉蛋或身材。

Or we can be certain that we're failures who've messed up everything we've ever done, 片語動詞

或者我們會確信自己是個失敗者，搞砸了做過的每一件事，

even if, in objective terms, 表達脈絡

即使在客觀看來，

we seem to be doing pretty well.

我們似乎做得還不錯。

We can obsess that we've forgotten to pack something,

我們可能會念念不忘自己忘了帶某樣東西，

even though we've taken a lot of care

即使我們已經非常小心，

and can, in any case, 表達脈絡

而且無論如何，

buy almost everything at the other end.

我們都可以在目的地買到幾乎所有的東西。

Or we may feel that our life will fall apart if we have to make a short speech, 片語動詞

或者我們可能覺得，如果必須做一個簡短的演講，我們的生活就要崩潰了，

even though thousands of people make quite bad speeches every day

即使每天都有成千上萬的人做著很糟糕的演講，

and their lives continue as normal.

他們的生活也一樣繼續。

When we recount our worries to our partner,

當我們向伴侶傾訴擔憂時，

we may receive a set of precisely delivered

我們可能會收到一套表達精準、

unimpassioned logical answers.

毫無感情的邏輯性答案。

We have been good to our parents,

比如我們對父母已經很好了，

we have packed enough toothpaste, etc.

我們已經帶了足夠的牙膏等等。

Answers that are both entirely true 表達脈絡

這些答案都完全正確，

and yet unhelpful as well,

卻也毫無用處，

and so in their own way enraging.

所以它們反而令人惱火。

It feels as if the excessive logic of the other person 文法

感覺就像是對方過度的邏輯

has led them to look down on our concerns, 片語動詞

讓他們看低了我們的擔憂，

because, reasonably speaking,

因為，理智地說，

we shouldn't have our fears or worries,

我們本不該有這些恐懼或擔憂，

the implication is that no sane person would have them. 表達脈絡

言下之意就是沒有理智的人會有這些情緒。

Our partners make us feel a bit mad.

我們的伴侶讓我們覺得自己有點瘋了。

The one putting forward the so-called logical point of view 片語動詞

提出所謂邏輯觀點的那一方，

shouldn't be surprised by the angry response they receive. 片語搭配

不應該對他們收到的憤怒反應感到驚訝。

They are forgetting how weird and beyond the ordinary rules of reason

他們忘記了人類的大腦有多麼奇怪、多麼超乎尋常的理性法則，

all human minds can be,

所有人都是如此，

their own included.

包括他們自己。

The logic they are applying is really a species of brute common sense 用詞

他們所運用的邏輯實際上是一種粗暴的常識，

that refuses the deeper insights of psychology.

拒絕了心理學更深層的洞察。

Of course,

誠然，

our minds are prey to phantasms, 慣用語

我們的心智會受到幻象、

illusions, projections, and neurotic terrors.

錯覺、投射和神經質般的恐懼所折磨。

Of course,

誠然，

we're afraid of many things that don't exist in the so-called real world. 用詞

我們害怕許多在所謂現實世界中並不存在的東西。

But such phenomena are not so much illogical 文法

但與其說這些現象不合邏輯，

as deserving of the application of a deeper logic

不如說它們需要運用一種更深層次的邏輯，

based on a sympathy for the complexities of emotional life.

這種邏輯建立在對情感生活複雜性的同情之上。

Our sense of whether we're attractive or not

我們對自己是否有吸引力的感知

isn't about what we actually look like.

並不取決於我們的真實長相。

It follows a so-called logic that goes back to childhood 片語動詞

它遵循一種可以追溯到童年時期的所謂邏輯，

and how loved we were made to feel by those we depended on. 文法

以及我們所依賴的人讓我們感到了多少愛。

The fear of public speaking

對公開演講的恐懼，

can be bound up with long-buried and torturous emotions of shame 片語動詞

可能與埋藏已久且折磨人的羞恥感，

and a fear around competing and dealing with others' envy.

以及對競爭和應對他人嫉妒的恐懼交織在一起。

An excessively logical approach to fears

對恐懼採取過度講邏輯的方法

discounts their origins

忽視了其根源，

and concentrates instead on why we shouldn't have them, 片語動詞

反而專注於為什麼我們不該有這些恐懼，

which is maddening when we're in pain.

當我們在痛苦中時，這是令人發狂的。

It's not that we actually want our partner to stop being reasonable. 表達脈絡

我們並不是真的希望伴侶停止講道理。

We want them to apply their intelligence 片語搭配

我們希望他們運用自己的智慧，

to the task of reassurance.

來完成安撫我們的任務。

We want them to enter into the weirder bits of our own experience 慣用語

我們希望他們通過回憶自己的經歷，

by remembering their own.

來走進我們經歷中更為怪異的部分。

We want to be understood for being the mad animals we all are

我們希望別人能理解我們都是瘋狂的動物，

and then comforted and consoled

然後給我們安慰與慰藉，

that it will probably all be okay anyway.

告訴我們一切可能都會好起來的。

Then again, 表達脈絡

不過話又說回來，

it could be that the application of excessive logic

運用過度邏輯的做法可能

isn't an accident or form of stupidity.

並非意外，也不是一種愚蠢。

It may just be an act of revenge.

它可能只是一種報復行為。

Perhaps the partner is giving brief logical answers to our worries

也許伴侶對我們的擔憂給出簡短的邏輯回答，

because their efforts to be more sympathetic towards us in the past

是因為他們過去試圖對我們表現出更多同情的努力

have gone nowhere. 慣用語

毫無結果。

Perhaps we've neglected their needs.

也許是我們忽視了他們的需求。

If two people were being properly logical

如果兩個人在更深層次的意義上

in a deeper sense of the word,

都能夠真正講邏輯，

that is,

也就是說，

truly alive to all the complexities of emotional functioning, 用詞

真正察覺到情感運作的所有複雜性，

rather than squabbling around the question of 文法

與其圍繞著諸如

why are you being so rational when I'm in pain,

“為什麼我這麼痛苦你還這麼理性”這樣的問題爭吵，

the person on the receiving end of superficial logic 慣用語

處於表面邏輯接收端的那個人

should gently change the subject and ask, 語氣意圖

應該溫柔地改變話題並問道：

"Is it possible I've hurt or been neglecting you?" 語氣意圖

“有沒有可能我傷害了你，或者忽視了你？”

Now,

如今，

that would be real logic. 表達脈絡

那才是真正的邏輯。

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如果你喜歡這部短片，

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請下載我們的應用程式，在那裡你可以觀看我們所有的影片，

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閱讀來自《生命之書》的文章，

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並與生命學校的其他學生交流。